Tuesday, November 07, 2006


So, I think I have about eight thousand hockey cards at home. Eight thousand hockey cards of the budget variety. You see, my parents would never let me buy the upper deck cards because they were a couple dollars more expensive, and justifiably so, because they were much higher quality.

The conundrum begins because I have this obscene amount of hockey cards, worth next to nothing, because they’re the ghetto brand, yet, I still hang on to them, hoping that some day they will once again become valuable.

I’ve had this mentality with many things in my life, and to date have been burned 986,213 times. (for anyone who cares, satan’s batting 100% on this one, as I have yet to have my faith rewarded)


And let me tell you, all is forgiven.

I don’t care what you say, my continued faith and dedication to Little miss Brit has paid off. I knew someday she would be back.

Even if the numbers still look skewed, 986,213 to 1, I feel vindicated, as this might actually be the most important battle. It’s kind of like the Mongols. They won something like 8 trillion straight battles, but they lost the last one, the most important one and where are they now?

I’m pretty much giddy.

Britney Spears is;

A) hot again
B) Lost a lot of weight (Mostly of the crappy rapper variety)
C) Still not returning my calls.

Man it’s a good day!


If you follow only one link today, make it the Lost a lot of weight one above. It's where you'll learn from TMZ that Britney is finally divorcing that trash bucket parasite. Only comfort for Kfed, he could probably make a pretty good mattress out of all the bags of throw up he's recieved and stashed in his closet hoping that someday they'd be worth something!


nuff said


Anyone have some Toilet Paper?

Well, that’s it, we might as well let the terrorists take over. You see there is no hope for this western way of life anymore. You know why? Because I was just treated to the newest offering by former meth addict Stacy Ferguson, AKA Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas.

I don’t know if you have noticed, but I am often somewhat grumpy, and I hold a general dislike for an awful lot of things. Now, when I first heard this song on radio this morning, I said to myself “Holy crap am I angry!!! How on Earth does a song this awful get played for the public?” And then I became increasingly enraged and thought “Who would possibly pay for studio time, sign her to a record label, and have the audacity to put out an entire compact disc of this poo?” Cause really, this is what poo would sound like if you wiped some poo on a cd and then put the cd in your stereo. And then you would be like “Oh man this poo really sounds bad, and how disappointing that I got some poo on my fingers when I opened the case.” So you can thank Fergie for getting poo on your hand, and for making you stupider with every word that this monstrosity provides. Her lyrics make “Green Eggs and Ham” sound like Hamlet.

And then the rage meter (remember that?) went through the roof when I finally realized that this is all your fault. You, the general public - teeming masses of sheep, who work for a living and then spend your hard earned money on poo cd’s. Because the record company wouldn’t make it if they thought you won’t buy it. And then you do. You buy the poo. Why do you pay for something you can get for free? This is why goat touching, mouth breathers like K-Fed still think he’s gonna be successful, because if you bought this poo, maybe you’ll buy his poo too.

So for all you people who buy poo like this Fergie cd, and watch poo like American Idol, Wife Swap, and anything on the WB network , and who listen to other poo like Uncle Kracker, James Blunt, Korn, R Kelly, Toby Keith, Matchbox 20 and Nickelback, and people who think that baseball is actually a sport..................congratulations…….you are single handedly responsible for the complete demise of our society.

As for me, I’m still awesome, cause I just mailed Fergie a bag of throw up.


Don’t watch this if you have an exam tomorrow……


Monday, November 06, 2006

Let's do the Dance of Joy

Dear Cousin Jb, that is by far the best Balki Bartokomous reference I have heard in the last 10 years. And I think there have been at least 4 of them in that time. The episode when Larry and Balki go to the gym for the first time and then they fall asleep on the couch immediatley after and can't move during their dates with Maryanne and Jennifer that night is one of the top 25 greatest televsion episodes in history. Excuse me while I go rent the box sets of Perfect Strangers, Bosom Buddies, and Night Court, then kill myself.


hmmm.........anyone else feel another list brewing?

Borat Rules America

The weekend take is in. ImDB Estimates that Borat, Cultural learnings of America for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan took in $26.4 Million this weekend. That put it in the number one slot for this weekend. Pretty impressive for a Kazakhstani peasant.

What makes it far more inpressive is that it only opened in limited release. IMDB actually has a per screen average figure, and when we take a quick look at that, we see exactly how badly Borat blew away the competition.

Borat took in over$31,500 per sreen. The second best per sreen total was, The Queen with $7,777 per.

Ummm that's ridiculous. That's like comparing Jessica Simpson to the old Ashley Simpson. There's no comparison to be made. One is clearly superior.
Like comparing G.I. Joe to Ken dolls.

Never in the history of entertainment has the North American continent been so enthrawled with a man playing a funny speaking foreigner!

Well not recently...


Congratulations Borat, you're the new Balki Bartokomous!!!