Just got another one of those crappy e-mails that everybody forwards around. You know the kind, “this child needs your help”, “you have received an electronic friendship hug”, “sign this petition to join some radical movement” or my personal favorite “Microsoft is sending checks if you forward this to 10 people”.
Here’s the thing people, if you receive one of these and you even hesitate for an instant before deleting it, or even worse you are the one propagating the offense by spreading the filth then you rank right up there in society as an…………………a-hole. That’s right I said it, an A-HOLE! Important to distinguish the fact that it is pronounced “A” in its shortened version, not the much more common full length “Ass”. You don’t even deserve the extra syllable.
First of all, Bill Gates didn’t not become the richest guy with glasses by sending out money to people. He hides at home thinking about new ways to destroy the computers he has already sold you that will be obsolete in 9 minutes anyway.
Secondly, if there is a child in need there are a few ways to address this based on the situation
1) Kidnapped/Missing – Call the freaking police! Unless you’re going to fly down to whatever random state the kid is absent in and start looking behind bushes, someone should let the authorities know about it.
2) Hungry/Poor – Instead of sending money to some organization you have never heard of, and won’t again after they mail you a picture of a Kenyan kid from the August issue of National Geographic 1993, how about you go down to the shelter for battered women in YOUR OWN CITY and donate some of the loot from your last gorge at the grocery store. Or some clothes. Or at least a knife so she can stab the cowardly bastard that hit her in the first place.
Threesome: You know that word document you signed that said everybody should not fill up with gas on September 19 of whatever given year you’re all whining about the price of driving an Expedition? Seriously though……………….I mean really……….c’mon. You want to be late for work on September 19 or what? You think that the honchos down at MobilExxon, EnCana, or Shell are sweating in their genuine Sakatchewan Sealskin chairs? No way, they’re lighting cuban’s (cigars, not people…) with $100 bills while they sip cognac out of glass slippers over a fresh dolphin lunch. And guess what, you’d all give your left middle toe to be in their spot instead of fetching them their grizzly skin slippers. (Thanks to Chet Phillips for the uncanny artists rendering above)
Besides, while you’re buddy in the cubicle next to you is sending you a “friendship chain letter”, you’re boss is plotting the quickest way to get Terry Tate to unleash a special kind of hell on your unproductive corpse for spending too much personal time on your e-mail.
So get a hobby and quit being an a-hole.
gB
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