This week in baseball

Nothing happened. Apparently some kid named Dirty Sanchez threw a no-hitter and I am supposed to be impressed. What’s that you say, his name is Anibal not Dirty…..well that’s a girl’s name so take your pick.

Let’s analyze this more in depth. You have the Florida Marlins (70-69) and the Arizona Diamondbacks (65-74) playing probably what was their 8th game against each other in 3 days and these two portraits of mediocrity are still in the hunt for a playoff spot (3 games back, 8 games back respectively). That’s horrendous. They have each played 139 games so far. And neither are better than average. Can you imagine if the Denver Broncos played 139 games this year? 12 guys would be dead, 27 paralyzed, and 41 of them would have so much brain damage that they would start to make awful decisions like driving drunk, taking drugs, bringing guns to airports………..er, wait that last one is a bad example. Regardless, MLB has so far played the equivalent number of games of 8.7 NFL seasons. A full year is = 10.1 NFL seasons. Have you figured it out yet? BASEBALL IS NOT A SPORT.

Do you realize that in the case of this no-hitter, it’s entirely possible for 1 or more members of the winning team to have zero impact on the outcome of the game. Let’s say the Centerfielder struck out three times in his at bats, and the other team didn’t hit anything at him requiring him to stand still out there for 3 hours. That’s ridiculous. Can I get paid $4 mill a year for standing still?

Anyway, other happenings in the “game” this week include a plane crashing by being blinded by the glare off Barry Bond’s immense forehead, Kenny Rogers is not the soothing crooner I was thinking of, and Anna Benson said something slutty (her husband is a no name pitcher that nobody cares about so she smartly uses her huge breasts and mindless jibberjabber to help increase his star power and have teams pay him way more than he’s worth).

gB