I noticed a number of things during last night’s MTV Video Awards, things that perhaps the general populace may not have picked up since I’m smarter than the average bear.
First of all Jack Black is brutal. He’s just not funny. He recycles the same routine since the one time he actually was entertaining in Saving Silverman. Do fat guys with bad facial hair just get a free pass for this stuff? Cause really only Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Chevy Chase, John Candy, John Belushi, and Chris Farley should be allowed to recycle the same routine over and over. But especially not Ben Stiller. We’ve got our eye on you Stiller, only one movie every 6 months from now on!
Pussycat Dolls have 14 members in their group. But only one actually sings. And at least 2 look like Bruce and Julian from the local drag show that I ………anyway why the hell are all of them talking? That just prolonged this crappy ass kissing jamboree by about 22 minutes.
Ok Go…..that’s the guys who did the ridiculous routine with the treadmills. Not bad, I can especially appreciate people who try and be famous with as little work as possible. And you’re all falling for it……
Nick Lachey. You’re new girlfriend has a huge head. You’re ex-wife has huge boobs. Winner: John Mayer
Apparently God is a huge rap/R & B fan. You know, he probably cruises around the clouds up there in a low riding chariot holding a gold chalice (duh, Holy Grail?) with a giant diamond cross hanging from his neck. And he watches these award shows just to make sure that every rap winner thanks him properly for giving them gold teeth, a ghetto upbringing, and the uncanny ability to match words that sound similar. This is why there are hurricanes every year at this time, because the good lord isn’t paying attention to the weather, he’s busy making sure Busta Rhymes drops mad skills.
Jared Leto looked better after having his lunch fed to him in Fight Club then he did last night.
Beyonce………………….even Hitler would appreciate that.
Did anybody else notice that Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman looked seriously disgusted each time she didn’t win. When Pink won for Best Pop Video Bratman was about to throw a tantrum, but when Kelly Clarkson won for Best Female Video I’d say she’s lucky that Bratman doesn’t do anything (like have a job and stuff) cause if he was Italian and pretending to run a construction company there would definitely be a contract on Clarkson.
Award for Best Legs attached to a creepy face and a man’s voice: Congratulations Fergie!
Award for worst band name: Panic at the Disco
Award for crappy group getting too many awards: Panic at the Disco
Award for worst song name by a band with a crappy name: “I write sins not tragedies” by Panic at the Disco
Award for worst male makeup: Panic at the disco (barely edging out Jared Leto and AFI)
Award for band who will be totally absent from next year’s awards: Panic at the Disco
Rage Meter
2 – Brit and K-fed (it’s like the Wonder Years, where you’re so embarrassed for them you just have to change the channel). Poor Brit; she’s beat up from the feet up.
16 – Getting punched in the bag by the midget from Jackass
28.5 – Laguna Beach season 3 doesn’t start until next week
712 – Missy Elliott doing anything
100,000,000 – James Blunt. I would rather drag my scrotum on a gravel road traveling at 34 mph with acid in my eyes and nipple clamps on tight than hear the song “You’re Beautiful” ever again.
You’ve been told.
gB
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